The Truth { "Fitspo" , My eating backgroud, and recent decisions}

Hi Everyone!

So this post is going to be a little different. I want to show people how the pictures people involved in fitness look the way they do ON PURPOSE. Also, some background into my struggles with eating habits  and the decisions I've made to make sure I stay on track:)

Okay so "fitspo"... I HATE this word. I get it, its for inspiration to be fit, but its turned into something that really isn't inspiring. This is the case because, even if someone doesn't call themselves a "fitspo" other people do, and it becomes this weird situation where people believe that this look this particular person has is the ideal, that its what everyone should strive for... It needs to stop. People should be striving to become the best versions on THEMSELVES, not look like someone else.

Of course you have you people that do believe they are this "fitspo" title, which is fine, it awesome to have confidence in yourself.. but it is so important to stress that it isnt some kind of "perfection" everyone needs to try to achieve, or feel bad about not looking just like that. Every single persons' body is different. I'm not ever gonna look like Iza Goulart or Kayla itsines, who I believe both have beautiful bodies, but what I can look like it the best version of myself. This is what people need to remember when they think things like "my abs don't look like that" or "my quads dont look like that" because they never will. You are not that person. YOU ARE YOU. Love the body you have, its the only one you get.. And if you love it it will love you back.

Fitness accounts post pictures that show the best angle of themselves. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. How many selfies does someone take before they fine one they like? Most people are not going to post pictures of themselves they do not like. But I want to show you guys that the pictures you see are not how I, or anyone else, just walks around.

The left picture is me, post workout, pre meal. I'm more defined because I just worked out and my stomach wasn't full of food and water yet... It the ideal time to see the most muscle definition. AKA "morning abs".. this is what people often see on any fitness account... THE RIGHT.. is me, full of water.. and food.. and protein bars... and snicker doodles ;) Regardless of the cookies, this is honestly how I look 99% of the time. I'm not flexing or anything its just relaxed. which is how someones body is most of the day. It is normal to not be defined every moment of every day.. id be worried if i was.. But thats what I want people to realize. If the constant flexed, defined look is what you are looking for, its not realistic. It healthy to have a 5 month old food baby at the end of the day (or noon usually)! BTW.. neither of these are filtered.. my iPhones' lighting is being really wonky lately and idk why!

With all that being said, there was a time where I didn't love my body.. sometimes I still struggles with it, lets be honest. so i developed bad habits that I denied. It also just so happens, its usually around this time of year when it gets the worst. this time for the last 2-3 years I was being extremely unhealthy to my body. I wasn't eating, I wasn't exercising, and I wasn't listening to the people around me that were concerned.

Above on the left is a picture of me from right after christmas last year... I remember taking it and thinking " oh my god my legs look huge".. I was clearly sick. A friend commented on this picture and said " you're so tiny", I was ecstatic, thats exactly what I wanted.. Another Friend texted me about an hour after I posted it and asked if I was okay, I remember being so confused.. Of course, Why wouldn't I be? She said I looked like I was loosing too much weight and it was starting to be unhealthy. I of course refused and told her it was just the angle, and I was eating like I always had. Thinking back now.. I really wasn't. I wouldn't eat all day until I was going out to dinner with someone else, because then I couldn't not eat or they would know. When I think about it part of me still thinks I really wasn't meaning to do it. It was a busy time of year and I always had plans so I would forget to eat.. But it obviously wasn't just that.

The same this happened in the right picture, which was 2 Christmases ago.. Its hard to see in this picture... but this is all I had for this time period. I was wearing a cotton dress that was supposed to be tight to your body, in an xs and it was baggy.. if that gives you any idea. Again, my family and friends were concerned, and I AGAIN waved it off and said they were ridiculous.. When I really realized what I was doing to my body was when I returned back to college after break and my friends stopped dead in their tracks when they saw me. I asked them what was wrong and they said I looked sick, the ribs in my chest were sticking out and visible, my legs were lost in my once tight leggings, and my face was sunken in. My period was gone for 3 months.. TMI? maybe but its the truth. 

Both times I finally opened my eyes and realized what I was doing, but it was still a cycle. Which brings us to this year. I'm healthier than I have ever been, I have confidence, I am actually physically strong, as well as mentally. So this year I'm making it my goal to GAIN rather than loose. And I am so happy with that. Im not just going full out gain train here. I'd like to maintain some leanness, for my mental sake.. but I want my legs to grow and my arms to grow and become stronger! I couldn't have gotten to where I am now without my loving and supportive family, friends, and boyfriend.. and of course all the wonderful, kind people I've met through social media [ it isn't alllll bad;)} I did want to mention two accounts on IG that really helped my with the mental aspect of seeing the scale go up and being okay with gaining. These two are Ilyssa (IG: @ohilyssa) and Em Hogan (IG: @miss_eatz_alot) These two girls are so down to earth and real about every aspect of recovering from a restrictive, unhealthy relationship with food, as well as loving your body through gaining and changing. If you dont follow them already, go check them out:)

Gosh this was long... Thanks for sticking around if you have! I just wanted to share this in hopes that if someone can relate it can help them find a healthy balance or just know they aren't alone:)

Love you all!

xoxo

Jenna